The thoughts of a mess of a girl who dreams of being uncomplicated and whole.

I will never forget the first time that I saw you and I saw light for the first time.
It s



If I could throw a nickel in a fountain,

And see a star shooting across the sky.

Then, I’d blow out every birthday candle,

Find a lash fallen from my eye.

I could break the bigger wishbone,

But no matter what else I would do,

No amount of wishes

Will ever bring back you

Words I Never Published

I watch his feet dance across the pedals as he shifts gears in his old Honda. It’s nothing more than muscle memory now; he doesn’t have to give it a second thought. His brain is processing so much at once and yet he just sits there quietly singing and drumming along with some music that I’ve never heard. Every song I hear him hum along with, becomes my new favorite song. It moves me; He moves me.

I always thought that air conditioning was necessary but that old Honda of his hasn’t had air conditioner for awhile now. I completely forget all about the heat when I see him sitting there in the drivers seat.  I look to him and I can see a slight pink on his cheeks; he looks like he’s glowing. It is such a beautiful sight; he is such a beautiful sight.

If I went blind tomorrow that’s how I’d see him, driving that old Honda that he loves so much.

Changed perspective 

I wanted so bad to be the one who changed your prespective. Honestly, I know won’t be the one who suprises you, and proves to you that love still exists. I’m not extraordinary enough; I’m far too average. 

You’re not interested in me the same way that I am with you, and that’s something I’m beginning to understand. The unrequited thing is fitting me well, I think. I’m living with it okay with out being too obvious.

I don’t know, I’ve never been a good judge of that. If I’m obvious, I’m sorry. 

Poems for you

While thumbing through my book, I read some poems that forced my mind straight to you. It’s like this book was written from me to you and maybe someday I’ll share Sunday’s with you.

Book: Love & Misadventures by Lang Leav


You looked at me and for one moment, I could have sworn you felt this too. 


I’ve heard that there are some moments that stick with you for the rest of your life. Moments that take you by surprise and turn everything around.

 I never thought I’d have one of those moments; everything about me seemed to be too iridescent. Moments like those don’t happen to girls like me who are completely invisible. This is the one time that I am glad to have been wrong.

For me, you have been that moment. 

I remember the first day I saw you. I just couldn’t look away. Maybe it was the way the light was hitting you or the way your voice was echoing through the room, but either way, you transfixed me. 

I sat there with my mouth opened, mouthing the words but too dumbfounded to speak. It seems I was so busy daydreaming of you that I let you walk right past me for the next four weeks. 

Knowing first impressions were not a strong suit of mine, I never had the courage to introduce myself to you. We somehow skipped the introductions and you and I fell into a pattern, becoming pretty close along the way. 

You came into my life exactly when I needed someone. I was drained dead after 6 months of constant craziness and I can’t explain it but somehow you found a way to bring me back.  You’re the sarcastic, positive, encouraging person I’ve needed in my life for so long and by chance you just happened to showed up.

It seems that friendship is all you’re interested in with me and that’s fine or at least, it will be. It’s just that every time I see you, I go back to that moment that you left me speechless. breathless and changed everything and I can’t help but fall in love again.


I’ll never talk about how you have the ability to leave me breathless; it’s much too clichè. It’s crazy to think that because in order for something to become clichè, it has to be over used by so many people. How could someone feel that way with anyone but you? How could anyone leave someone else as breathless, as speechless, as you leave me?

It’s like I’m transfixed when I see you and then I close my eyes and I still can’t escape you. I still can see your fingers dancing to their own beautiful beat and I can still hear you playfully (unrelentlessly) tease me. There you are, on this pedastool, and I just sit there frozen, completely in awe of you. I blend in with the crowd and never get a second glance. 

Perhaps it’s better this way; You on the pedastool I’ve put you on and me admiring you from afar. I’m still mesmerized by you and maybe that’s enough. 


The two of us were happy together. We had fallen victim to the perils of young love. 

Every conversation was about our dreams and what was around the corner for us. We named our future kids and designed our dream house in the perfect neighborhood; we were living in fantasy.

Forever is the only place we would ever be. Planning out every detail of our lives in the future, we missed everything around us. 

Our promise of forever seemed like enough. Some where along the way, the now caught up with you and I.

We lived in our forever until our forever lived in our past.

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